I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
