My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
