i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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