The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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