OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
