remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
