I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
