so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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