that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
