i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
