ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
