Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
