shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
