jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
