I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
