ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
