I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
