I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
ttyl tear gas
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
