What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
