And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
