Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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