I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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