You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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