I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
