Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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