I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Michael Bay diarrhea
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You took a bar mat shot.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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