when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
