hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
