Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
