508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
