God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
