Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
