I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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