What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
