Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
