And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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