So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
