all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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