hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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