just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
