he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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