I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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