Pappa wants mamma naked
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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