That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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