Need sex. Gaining weight.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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