Im at strip club and am horny
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
