life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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