Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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