man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
