We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
